Life really is too short .

Sometimes , I start to feel things before I can figure out what they mean . But I've learned over and over to trust my instinct so it's really hard to ignore , &nd it's frustrating sometimes to try &nd figure it out in my head . Usually I think of the possible ways things could end up , decide which I think is most likely . Anyway , I think I jus needa stop holding people up to certain expectations , cause that usually jus leads to dissapointment , ye diqqqq ?! But I dont know ; I dont really care ; the more i open my eyes and realize how beautiful everything is and can be, the more i think about how silly it is to waste time on anger and negativity. it is so easy to get caught up in these things but i think that the only reason people are mean or ill-intentioned is because they are hurting in some way. i just want to be a lover because really life is too short. it is a pretty easy lesson but i have been learning it over and over my entire life.

BTW ;

i've been good lately . kind of feeling weird the last week , not sure why . i feel like i'm on the edge of something , like something is about to happen or change . i can't figure it out . i just feel it all around me , its so intense sometimes and then it fades and will come back the next day . but i've been happy . i just try to stay positive and know that things will get better .

Memory .

it is crazy how our memories work . how we can memorize a person . their mannerisms , speech patterns , eyes , mouth . &nd even when they aren't near us we can hear something and know the exact way they would laugh . i've been missing a lot of my friends who don't live near me . speaking of memory . . . i'm not sure if everyone does this but almost always when i am lying in bed trying to fall asleep ill remember something that happened . sometimes something from that day , and sometimes it could be months or years ago that it happened . but its so vivid like a little movie in my mind , so relentless . i notice everything , i pay attention to everything , and i remember most of it . it can be kind of a curse . its easy to remember the good things about someone who you've grown apart from . i sometimes have to force myself to remember why and how things got to how they are now , how hurt i felt and how my trust was so offended . but i can't help but forgive , and to know that the people i surround myself with are good people with good intentions and people sometimes mess up . i guess its just a shame to drift from someone who you used to be so close to . and to know that they are still angry or apathetic when you hold nothing against them and hope they are well . that's life i guess . i still believe everything happens for a reason .

These things ; they bend &nd break .

Isn't it bizarre how we can feel like our problems are so huge sometimes .? When I feel that way , I wait for it to get dark and I go outside and look at the sky . We are all so small . I was reading a book today and thinking to myself, "I have felt exactly like this". We are never alone . not in happiness , not in sadness , not in anything . i guess that can be comforting . it can also be depressing knowing how much something can hurt and how heavy your heart can feel , to know that others have gone through the same thing and that others will have to go through the same things . there should be a way to take life lessons and remove the hurt and pass them on to people who need them . but i guess that no one would believe something that was just words . i know i wouldn't . we are all too stubborn . that human mentality of " that won't happen to me " or some how thinking we are so different , or better somehow . it's silly but i think it's an important part of growing up and finding out who you are and how to grow and love more .